18 Years: Disorder to Success #Truth

My health and fitness story has had MANY twists and turns. This part of my life is very personal and less than flattering.  However, it is part of my story and I believe everything happens for a reason to teach us lessons so here is one of mine.

One thing I struggled most in my journey was trying to figure out  how to achieve my fitness goals in a way that was sustainable and realistic.

The Catalyst

I went to college, gained the Freshman 15+ and was at a loss on how to lose it.  Being Italian/Spanish American you eat when your happy, sad, mad, everything.  So, without real nutrition education I started running and starving myself.  Torturing myself into weight loss.  But those types of activities have a vicious backlash that I was unaware of.  Cycles of weight loss, gain, staving or binging... no balance.  I began to educate myself about workouts and how better to feed by body.  I wanted to be successful so badly that I would do just about anything to achieve them.  However, it was coming from a place of self-hate and punishment.  I DID NOT enjoy it one bit.  If I worked out it was so I wasn't absolutely disgusted with myself.  

I was 23 in these photographs and competed in an Amateur Body Building competition. I was investing about an hour and a half of cardio per day and lifting heavy weight for another hour per day (2.5 hours per day minimum).  At my peak I was deadlifting 300 lbs. I weighed in at about 112 lbs.  Towards the end of my "training" I was consuming under 1000 calories per day.   This was my first competition.  I had a friend who competed regularly and consecutively won, so I used him as a resource and he helped me design a plan. I stuck to it religiously for 90 days. 

Heading Off Course

I literally did not go out, did not see friends or socialize, I was in isolation because I was afraid if I went out I would slip up and get off track.   I placed well in the competition and I was proud of my achievement but the aftermath would leave a serious mark.   

I didn't know how to feed myself in a normal way.  I didn't understand that when you lean out the way I did with so few calories, your body is in starvation mode.  I lost so much muscle cutting weight, that at the end of 90 days.  I had stress fractures in my feet from the stair-master, my skin was a disaster, and worse, I did not know how to eat in a way that was sustainable.  I did not know about the right carbohydrates (they were the enemy right??) or healthy types of fat. I was eating no fat foods, boiled chicken and steamed vegetables.  Post the show I ended up in a cycle of binging an purging.  I was desperate to hang onto my unrealistic results.  Which cascaded into full blown Bulimia!  If anyone knows anything about Bulimia, it is more an issue of control than it is about food.  About a year of a binge/purge cycle were to follow.  I'd feel such guilt for eating just about anything I would purge it.  

Road to Help

Thankfully I had a good friend I confided in and she got me the help I needed.  She referred me to a counsellor and after years of therapy, helped me past a really dark time in my life.  I made it a point to continue to educate myself to find a better way.  A smarter way that was sustainable, long term, that I did not hate, that made me feel strong and healthy. 
I wish I could talk to my 23 year old self, I could have prevented so many years of self-loathing.   I was standing in my own way.  I look back at pictures and I know that even though I was smiling, I likely felt inadequate, and likely frustrated and depressed.  What a waste of too many years of my life!?  I was missing life obsessing about this- it was literally paralyzing!  Hours spent obsessing over meal plans and what combination of workouts to do  for the best results. 

Side Note on Body Building

There are friends of mine that compete in Body Building, are successful and do it in a healthy way.  I surely take nothing away from that lifestyle and I admire the athletes that do.  I learned so much from the experience and in no way begrudge the sport.  If anything it gave me an appreciation for the dedication and effort they put in to achieve their results.  I wasn't in the right mindset emotionally at that age to perform and compete in a healthy way.  Looking back today my nutrition was way off course, these athletes would never sacrifice muscle by cutting calories as I was advised to do. 

My Personal Success

I'm 41 and its taken me this long to realize that there can a better way.  You don't have to punish yourself for HOURS in the gym.  You DO have to make an effort and you can learn to love fitness.  Food does not have to be horrible and tasteless OR rich and decedent.  There are ways to make it delicious and healthy with balance. 

When I see my transformation pictures today, I see someone who is not only strong and lean, but confident and comfortable, and HAPPY in her own skin!  This is something I'm passionate about because I have a son and daughter.  I don't want them to struggle with self image the way I did growing up.  I want them to know that it's not an all or nothing when it comes to nutrition and fitness but that daily healthy practices and balance can make a difference in how they feel and how their bodies work.  

I have striation of my Quadriceps I would have died for at 23!!

Guess what! We eat out and have ice cream and have movie theatre popcorn too!  We just don't have it EVERY day!  There is a place for celebrations and a place to fuel our bodies.  Food shouldn't be the only celebration either, there are other ways to reward ourselves!  Its all a matter of perspective. I stood in my own way for too many years, if I can help one person step out of there own way then sharing this piece of my life with you was worth the risk.  

I would love to help you with your own transformation!  It is possible to achieve balance and the body that body that you want.  You just need the right, realistic road map to get you there.

I spent many years trying many different programs.  Some worked, some just did not.  Others weren't realistic to fit into my life as a working mother of 2 children.  Guess what, I don't have endless hours to spend in the gym anymore. I do not workout much more than 30 minutes per day!  I have learned how to incorporate clean eating into my life and that of my family.   I love to enjoy the life I created with my husband and enjoy our home and family.  Which also includes horses, dogs and a variety of other pets.  Our household is ACTIVE and with TWO working parents I need to prioritize my time, I can't afford to waste it on things that just do not work or contribute to an unhealthy lifestyle!

I am still working on my journey, my story does not end here.  But YOU can inch your way closer every day by taking that first step.  We all make daily choices that either move us closer to our goal or further away.  You only FAIL when you stop trying!   So take the first step today, get out of your own way and start!  There is never going to be the perfect time to begin.  What is important is to just BEGIN!  If you are interested in learning more about my Challenge Groups I would love to speak to you about how you can make a long term, sustainable change in your own life.  There is no time like NOW!  This is your call to action.  Haven't you waited long enough?  Fill out the form below and I'd love to speak to you about your health and fitness goals!

HTML Forms powered by Wufoo.